Saturday, April 28, 2012

Calamitous Beats
















Drums beat beyond the horizon..
Oh, young lad, step out of the way
before the waves sweep you to eternity,
a mental state you cannot escape!
It’s dreadful, I tell you,
the sights of ash and smoke,
the sounds of a brother shrieking,
“The blood, the blood, oh, I beg you, take me home!”
and there’s always the possibility he’ll not return.

If I could find the words to describe,
I would not for your sanity's sake,
for the remaining innocence inside your heart.
Poor fellows who know
lock themselves in memory’s tragic cage;
titanium bars and a lost key banish
the chance of freedom for each soul,
scarred in flesh and purpose.

They hear laughter, but struggle to voice their own;
smiling is an effort, a forged promise
that everything will be fine,
but when the door-hinge creaks
trepidation sparks:
involuntary violent fireworks.
Listen to their nightly mantra,
“When will the nightmare end?”

Stepping past the threshold once,
the brave and sacrificial are lured
into a dynamite trap, and then bolted in
they are haunted immortally.
Brows tense, warmth is only safety,
and the traumatized sigh
is the most melody produced
since that last morning
they sang “What A Wonderful World”.

Sorrowful populace
marches to its deathbed now,
unbriefed of the excruciation ahead,
unprepared for immutable sleep
or wake’s vexation.
Look at their faces,
lighthearted expressions engrossed in daydreams;
dancing amidst the cattails,
kisses in the rain, convivial songs in the air,
joining the children’s laughter.

Heroic endings are also morbid,
you must understand.
Where is glory in an innocent man’s last breath?
Oh, piteous fault of mine for explaining,
but I must halt your footsteps,
so please, hear me, boy so young,
life presents itself to you- grasp it tightly!
I pray, do not be a fool unaware, like I
who pays the price of living
in timeless grief.

All things good, why did I follow?

Sweet child, I fear the beat of my own heart.

Esperenza





















Is it to black Erebus you depart,
my maiden, Esperenza? Umpteen years
consecutively, sly sleuth, white pearled art,
prancing in these adoring pupils, fears
allying truth, and your sister Apate,
wickedly beautiful, like you, bright wish,
whispers all excuses, laying beside me quite late.
How I burn hellfire beneath this unctuous fish!
Have you forgotten the engagement ring
with my heart thumping in the center crest?
     -   Oh, I imagine Dolos pawned the thing
to sorrow! And yet I wait in sleepless rest.
As gentle Aurora knocks on my door,
I hear footsteps traverse the bedroom floor.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Journals of Robert Walton: A closure of horror.















Margaret, oh! my beloved sister,
I have listened to the strangest tale
that ever imagination formed;
a terrific story with words so replete with anguish!
I am lost in surprise and admiration…

A week has passed away…
His fine and lovely eyes were now
subdued to downcast sorrow
as he related the most horrible incidents,
suppressing every mark of agitation.
Said he, “I executed the creation of a man, and thus,
I am chained in eternal hell.”
I wish to soothe him, Margaret,
a friend who would sympathize with
and love me.

I can hear him, beloved Sister;
his eloquence is forcible and touching.
“I must pursue and destroy
the being to whom I gave existence!
Then I will be fulfilled.”
This speech troubled me, yet
I had not conceived the idea of returning
if set free.

The cold is excessive, my beloved Margaret…

I sat watching my unfortunate guest-
his eyes half closed, limbs hanging listlessly.
A feverish fire still glimmers in his eyes.
He roused himself, seized with sudden agony,
his voice broken:
“Alas! the strength I relied on is gone.
When younger, I believed myself destined for
some great enterprise. Now all my
speculations and hopes are as
..nothing.
I thank you, Walton, for your kind intentions.”
Must I lose this admirable being, Margaret?

Oh! Sister, the die is cast!

(I am interrupted…)
Great God! I cannot find words to describe!
A form gigantic in stature,
yet unnccooouthhh
and d-i-s-t-o-r-t-e-d in its proportions!
Never did I behold a vision so
horrible as his face!
Such loathsome yet appalling hideousness!
I shut my eyes, Margaret.
The words died.. away on my lips.

He paused, looking on me with wonder.
“Do you think that I was then dead
to agony and remorse? He suffered not in the
consummation of the deed- oh!
not  the ten-thousandth portion of the anguish
that was mine! I sought love of virtue,
the feelings of happiness and affection.
Wrenched by misery, I subdued all anguish,
to riot in the excess of my despair.
No sympathy may I ever find.”
Beloved Sister, I dared not again
raise my eyes to his face.

But the monster, Margaret,
so scaring and unearthly in his ugliness,
yet now suspended by a mixture of
 curiosity and compassion, cried,
with sad and solemn enthusiasm,
“Soon, I shall die,
and these burning miseries will be extinct!
I shall exult in the agony of the torturing flames;
the light of that conflagration will fade away;
my ashes will be swept into the sea by the winds.
Torn by the bitterest remorse, where can I find rest
but in death? My spirit will sleep in peace divine.
Oh, Frankenstein! Oh, Frankenstein!”

He was soon borne away by the waves
and lost..
..in darkness..
..and distance…


My beloved sister,
do you not feel your blood congeal with horror
like that which even now curdles mine?

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Love's Whisper of Hope


I love you

And you love me

“No, we can't be”

You keep whispering

But then you kiss me again

Your hands around my waist

Your lips pressed against mine

Lost in pleasure

An act of passion

Our eyes closed

As if in a trance

Holding on to one another

Melting in each others arms

Falling deeper

And madly

In love

“Yes, we can”

I whisper

Diamonds


Diamonds
Rare, beautiful
Shining, glistening, sparkling
Gems, rubies, emeralds, and stones
Reflecting, resting, waiting
Silent, colorful
Rocks

Unloved Beast

















There is a monster in this world some have even seen
with fangs sharp as the butcher's blade and eyes ever keen.
He blends with pure darkness and serves the reining moon.
He fears not the winter's cold nor the dreaded monsoon.
Taking quiet, agile steps he wanders across the world
watching, waiting, hidden in the underbrush curled.
As the moment comes when the traveling wind calls,
he rises to his destiny crested upon stone walls.
Frightening is his growl followed by the thunderous sound
of his voice booming from his throat to the shuddering ground.
His skin as chilled as ice is rough-scaled to any touch;
all these he knows as he takes advantage of such.
Born alone, live alone, die alone claims himself his master
as he canters like no known creature: incredibly faster
through valleys, through fields, above mountains and to seas
coming and going as his raging heart does please.
His unsettled mind sets his temper in a fire ablaze,
his soul aching from the tranquility that forever betrays,
and so grow his claws with the desire to tear
anything that dares stand in view of his menacing glare.
When curiosity does peak he wanders to our homes
staring through each glass window as his mouth foams.
At the site of his luminous glance screams echo in flight,
all courage lost in fear of this beast's awesome might,
but I linger behind watching him with uncertainty
while he draws near wondering why I don't flee.
Unlike the rest, I see through his menacing disguise
aware of the sorrow, the pain that burns through his eyes.
I reach out my hand to touch his face's crudeness,
but he backs into shadow in shame I find his weakness,
and I pause in realization of what this monster is afraid of,
not blood, not death, but a stroke of love.

Brokenhearted Bird
















 
I’m here all alone
No one to hold me
Amongst faded voices
No one to call me their own
I wish somebody would
Come and find me
Hidden away
Just please don’t lie to me
You can’t stop me now
I’m flying so high
A young, beautiful bird
Up in the blue sky
But sad times have come
When I’ve missed love
And I can never forget
That I’m still lonely
A forgotten soul in wait
Just letting life fall into fate
Holding on to thin threads
As my wings tear
Falling from the sky
Wondering why
I wish I’d stayed next to you
But I left
And now I’m broken
A lovesick bird smashed to the ground
Wishing I had never let go
Of your strong hands
But I know that someday
I’ll find you once again

Waking In Your Arms













I opened my eyes this morning
Smiling 'cause I saw you there
Laying beside me
Holding me close in your arms
You were fast asleep
I lightly touched your face
Wondering what you could be dreaming about
Hoping it was beautiful
I kissed your eyes softly
Slowing moving away
Quietly getting out of bed
Joy wrapped around my heart
Before I could take another step
You called my name
Your breath on my shoulder
Saying you dreamt of me

A Shadow Inside Of Me


















There's an odd feeling inside of me
And it's so hard to explain
It's a fear
It's a jealousy
It's a desire
I can feel it swell within
As it brings merciless pain
I want to let go of it
And yet
I hold on
When I try to run away from it
It follows me
Like a creeping shadow
In the darkness
When I try to hide
It searches far and wide
Sensing my presence
Knowing I'm there
When I confront it
I can't see it
As if I were staring at nothing
Blind to its visible form
I feel uncertain
So confused
And all at once
Lost
Yet it remains
Chasing me day and night
Never to rest
A shadow inside of me
Devoting its life
To hunt me down
And frighten me to death

Peaceful Day













The gentle wind
The dancing flowers
The swaying grass
The singing world
So peaceful…

New Morning













I woke up one morning, with a new pulse, a new rhythm.
I felt different- a sudden importance and want.
There's something new, and I'm in it.
There's something out there, and I'm there.
There's something, but I don't know what it is.
And yet I stand out in the green pasture and look to the sun with
a new smile.

Shunned Care










Lately it's been so hard to tell you how I feel
because I know you're not listening to a word I say.
I'm just trying to help you, to make your fantasies real,
but all you ever do is push me away.

I give you some advice and you accuse me of a lecture.
You ignore my every word and think of something else,
but my only intentions are to help you stand with a structure
so you are strong and independent when by yourself.

I've become the villain in your eyes instead of a friend,
and it hurts me to think you'll never live life
the way you wanted it to be, stepping out of the pretend,
lost in your downy cast and never ending strife.

I reach out my hand and though you're not standing here
I can feel your ignorance, the brush of your hand
hard against my arm as you shove me back in fear.
Yet when you fall there I am to help you stand.

I'm not sure how to explain things to you anymore,
how to tell you what I feel without sounding repetitive,
but it doesn't seem to matter what I said now or before,
because you've shunned me from the world you live.

I try, I really do, to make things easier for you.
If only you trusted me like I believe you did.
It's a shame when I talk to you I can't get through,
and it stings to know in your heart it's me you forbid.

Has my effort gone to waste after all this time,
the pain I bore to make certain you could breathe?
I wonder if you could take a moment to think of me sometime
and realize it was your aching, your sorrow I tried to relieve.

My nights grow sleepless wondering about your being;
how you are, where you are, how you feel, are you safe?
You told me I shouldn't care, but there's something you're not seeing:
I worry that you may feel too lonely as if you are a waif.

I want to be there to hold you when you are afraid,
to kiss your cheek and whisper that I'm here to protect you
from all you fear, all you hate, to end this charade
of your confidence and contentment in not being what you want to.

You go on as though tomorrow doesn't matter,
and I'm just another nuisance to get in your way,
but I've always cared for you like no other.
Every day for your happiness and love I pray.

If only you could hear me and know I mean well,
if you could remember I'm not against you,
but you walk away from me, insisting to dwell,
not realizing I sacrificed my dreams for yours to come true.

If It Is..






















If it’s day
for you
Then it’s night
for me

If it’s time to awake
for you
Then it’s time to sleep
for me

If it’s time to laugh
for you
Then it’s time to cry
for me

If it’s sun
for you
Then it’s moon
for me

If it’s light
for you
Then it’s dark
for me

If it’s hot
for you
Then it’s
cold for me

If it’s crowded
for you
Then it’s lonely
for me

If it’s life
for you
Then it’s
death for me

But if it’s love
for you
Then it’s love
from me

Painful Perfect Picture



















Glancing down at the picture resting between my palms
I cannot fathom the pain of my loss
having fallen so deep thinking my certainty was true,
then discovering my every choice had been wrong.
There you stand beside me, arms wrapped tightly
around my petite frame, your chin to my bare shoulder,
fingers playing amusingly with my dress,
one gently resting on the golden ring.
I believed for a while this treasure symbolized everything;
our future, our friendship, our love,
but perhaps it is so, I was naught but a playmate,
and you, my beloved, grew weary of this game.
A heaviness settles in my bosom
as I see your still face flashing a joyous smile,
long gone, long forgotten, though I know
only by you.
The image replays itself, such repetitive torture,
small white heels tapping slowly the narrow, red carpet,
nerves flying, incredible excitement,
to in reality be yours forever.
Regretfully I promised my life to your carelessness,
a commitment made from my heart without love returned
to last the dream I have long dreamt,
and now restlessness wakes me from reaching further more.
I do wonder as time does allow,
long hours wishing you would be remembering
as I am, holding you in my arms,
this time in a frame.

Being A Poet


















If poets didn’t have their hands
they would still be poets.
If poets didn’t have their utensils
they would still be poets.
If poets didn’t have any paper
they would still be poets.
Only if poets didn’t dream
they wouldn’t be…

Drop of Dew














A drop of dew
quiet as it is,
speaks with unmistakable pride
in its place
of clear mystery.


A profound silence
it possesses,
collecting and withholding
endless memories
of passing life.


The gift of fall,
as it lays upon the leaf,
remembering,
never forgetting,
as it absorbs.


Bringing and giving
life to its host,
while enjoying the scene
pf new and gracious
beauty.


All this comes,
and shares in bloom
the memories of past,
the image of present,
all in a drop of dew.

Permitted Rape and Murder















 

Last night I awoke to a terrifying scream,
and as I looked out my window I saw a beam
of light, then came a shadow following behind.
For a moment I thought I was out of my mind.
But there it was so clear without doubt,
a man devising somehow to get in and out
of a young girl's home I'm sure he never knew
nor did he ever after wonder too.
He carried her out from the window ledge
down the wooden ladder into the hedge
before throwing her down hard to the ground
in view of my window without making much sound.
Tearing her clothes, his hand tight to her mouth,
he didn't care to glance, look north or south.
Only one thing was on his psychotic mind;
to fulfill his insanity, what he expected to find.
The girl, I could see, wriggled and kicked,
but the towering man was too transfixed.
I saw him rip his own clothes to completely expose
'til I could see his naked body from his head to toes.
He lowered himself down heavily to her,
his crude, powerful figure defining this was no offer.
The girl tried with what little strength she had
to shove off this man who was drunk and mad,
but her effort was useless since she was frail
and younger than the man who beat her like hail,
his fist crashing down to her small face
leaving blood to stream down in a trace.
I could see her tears flowing in pain
as she felt the unbearable lashing again and again.
Her lips parted in a soundless plea,
but no one else was there to see, no one but me.
The man bit and scratched at her skin;
his flesh couldn't cover the damage he did within
to the child below his immense frame,
frightened and hurting, but he felt no shame.
With one last try the girl yelled high
praying that someone passing by
would hear her call and end this strife,
but it took her last breath and so ended her life.
The next morning she was found in a tangle of thorn
of a bush nearby, her body shattered and torn.
Her mother and father wept in utter despair;
her brother and sister could only gape and stand there.
The police came, detectives questioned the street
asking if anyone had any information discreet.
I couldn't talk, I couldn't blink, I wouldn't reply
as I watched people mourn, so many cry.
The suspect of this crime had stolen away
nowhere to be found still to this day.
Lucky enough for him, he is far from this place
whereas I live on here in aching disgrace,
because I know I had seen and heard her,
but my silence had permitted rape and murder.

First Dance, First Love













 


Soft summer winds brush my hair to my cheeks,
and I laugh at the messy appearance I must be,
but he doesn't seem to think I've changed at all,
smiling as he describes the beauty he claims to see.

The blush that streaks my face awards his remark,
and he grins the most handsome way I have seen.
In a playful reply I compliment his attire
as he poses like the comedian he's always been.

He bows with the grace of a princely gentleman
in the clothes of an athlete ready for his game,
offering a dance though I am plainly dressed,
leaving me speechless as he whispers my name.

My fingers slip between his and I feel his warm palms,
calloused but gentle, one wandering to my waist.
He pulls me close glowing with confidence,
but I sense he is shy and I too feel graced.

Leading my feet to elegant steps unfamiliar,
he stares deep into my eyes and I catch my breath.
The world around me disappears, all I see is him,
and in that moment I'm in Heaven before death.

With an angel's blessing he hums a sweet tune
to provide music to a scene I wish would never end.
For the first time in awhile since I can remember,
I'm living a dream I no longer suspend.

I stumble over his feet too lost in his gaze,
and he catches me in his arms as if it were planned,
running his fingers slow through my open hair,
whispering something I fail to understand.

His face draws closer, but my body won't rebel,
anxious to feel the rush I've long missed.
The heat from his figure as he glances at my lips
thrills my curiosity like this dance had promised.

Our mouths barely graze aware of a known call,
the same voices of our friends coming ever near.
We laugh in embarrassment pretending
what we shared didn't matter though we knew it sincere.

He winks and bows once last time for the day
flashing a flirtatious smile while I have nothing to say,
filled with countless butterflies that swarm in my heart
hearing him utter "I love you" as he walks away.

Long Wait



I've been waiting so long to see you
to the point where I've lost track of time,
and every second longer hurts
so I've taken down the clock
and don't look at the sky anymore
to see how far the sun is rising
or how low the moon has set
because then I know time,
and time is something
I want to forget
when thinking about you.